I find myself eating more and more now since I have been at home. I get bored easily. I snack even when I never really used to. Just the other day, I went through almost a whole bag of Trader Joe's Olive Oil Pop Corn (yum!) while watching TV and was still hungry after that.
When Sam was in Afghanistan, I began doing something I called "paying attention" when I ate. I would sit down for a meal and actually pay attention to what I was eating, how the food made me feel and when I satisfied and not full. Since Sam has returned, life has been one great big distraction (Sam has a way of doing that), and I have really been not paying attention to what I eat.
Example, Sam and I love movies! We love to Eat! We love to watch movies while we eat! Sam and I cook dinner on a somewhat regular basis. We have spent long periods of time preparing and cooking our food just to barely notice it as we watch Leo DiCaprio dodge bullets in Iraq (
Body of Lies). Or we order food from our favorite restaurants in town and not savor any bite of it because Angelina Jolie lost her son (
Changeling -both movies we saw this week).
When I "paid attention" to my meals and to myself, I was able to drop 50+ pounds without giving up food I loved. So now I am looking to do the same again. Today was my first day eating mindfully. I was getting ready to slip into my normal routine of coffee and toast or a sweet piece of bread in the morning. When I stopped and asked myself if I was even hungry?
I wasn't!Instead I headed to the workroom and began catching up on jewelry orders. I worked for an hour or two, made a few phone calls, and then felt a hunger pang.
It gets better, I decided to go for my Trail Mix Crunch cereal and poured myself a bowl. Just as I was going to bring it over to my laptop and have a surf-side breakfast (ha ha, I made it up!), I stopped again, put the laptop away and sat down to eat.
After being mindful for the first time in months (years), I realized that I was satisfied with my meal a lot sooner than I thought. I had only eaten about 1/3 of the portion I had served myself.
As I sat there staring into the (now seeming) huge bowl still full with cereal and soy milk. (sigh) I was thinking about how I was raised - as someone who does not waste food. I could not believe that I had to convince myself NOT to eat it! I could already hear my grandma's voice in my head going on about "serving yourself too much and being wasteful, just eat it!"
I could have, but decided to fight myself and put it in the sink. Gosh, I can't believe I am writing about this. But this is a perfect example of food conditioning.
It has been a while since I actually examined what I was eating. As I peered into the bowl, I saw dried cranberries, granola clumps, some kind of brand twig, almonds and a kind of puffed rice ball. It was all delicious, it smelled like apple pie, and it was crunchy, it had an interesting texture too.
Well, I don't think I will be posting mindful meal blogs too often. I don't think most folks have an interest in it or the same sort of food issues that I have.